You're unique, just like everyone else....

Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

Save a mouse, eat a pussy

Keep Earth clean, it's not Ur-anus

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow

Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns

Don't do it behind the garden gate love is blind but the neighbours ain't!

When you judge others you dont define them you define yourself.. :-)

The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?

You're looking at perfection, and it ain't you!

Do blind eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!

I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

Women/Men are proof that women/men can take a joke

As long as my boss pretends that I'm earning much, I'm pretending that I work hard

An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!

What do an Icebear have after swimming? Snowballs!

Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend

Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one

You know it's always business doing pleasure with you

If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?

I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

When I’m good, I’m really good, but when I’m bad I’m better

I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? I think not…

I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet

English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same

If at first you dont succeed skydiving isnt for you

Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!

I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!

ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!

I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)

Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters

For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!

I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not

You and the bank own a very lovely home

I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

You don't buy the drink here, you only rent it

All racists who are prepared to die for their country, why not now?

Drinking is the answer, I don't remember the question

Superman is a travestite

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question

Lower the age of puberty!

God bless Atheism

I drink to make other people interesting

My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex

An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead

A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can't

Anarchists of the world, unite!

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss

On the other hand, you have different fingers

Who laughs last, thinks the slowest

Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good

I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it

That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids

I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea

This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part

First law of science: don't spit into the wind

I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Even hot girls have to fart

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it

Do you got with me get lost? I know the way

It was a brave man who ate the first oyster

There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can't

Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work

Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks

Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised

I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by

Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door

Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings

Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?

Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?

I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!

I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends

Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone

If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons

Fat people are harder to kidnap

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear